Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
