You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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