He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
