Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
