Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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