You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
