How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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