Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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