The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
