She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
