I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
