it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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