great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
