I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
