I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
