If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
