Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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