And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
