maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
