Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
