I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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