i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
