he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
