I don't remember. Are we still dating?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
