He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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