Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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