I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Bring me that man meat
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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