A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
