Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
