He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
