You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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