"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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