i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
