The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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