Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Your tits are I can't wait for
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
