Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
