I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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