ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
