remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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