she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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