butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
