Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
