so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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