Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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