I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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