DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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