its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need a beard to bite.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
