I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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