i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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