guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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