i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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