Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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