Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
