Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
