Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
