How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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