I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
