sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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