Your tits are I can't wait for
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
